I'm Laughing All the Way to the Office

 

I went to my boss and told him I was overworked.  He asked how overworked I was.  I told him I was doing the work of three people.  He said he couldn't give me a raise but if I would tell him who the other two people were he would fire them.

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

10."They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9."This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken."

2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."

And the number one best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:
1. " ... in Jesus' name, Amen."

When you have had one of those take-this-job-and-shove-it days, try this:
 
 On your way home after work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip.  Be very sure that you get this brand.
 
 When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.  Change into comfortable clothing and lie down on your bed.  Open the package containing the thermometer, remove the thermometer, and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.
 
 Read the material that accompanies the thermometer; you will notice in small print the statement that "every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested."
 
 Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."

 

 

[More funny business here.]

 

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