A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't
done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his
hind legs, put his front paws on the examination( table and sniffed
the duck from top to bottom.. He then looked at the vet with sad
eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out
and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped
up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail
and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head,
meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet
looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to
his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which
he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill
would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan,
it all adds up.
Ducks make bad doctors because they present patients with big bills.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CATS AND DOGS
A dog thinks:
These people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take me to the doctor when I get sick. They take good care of me. THEY MUST BE GODS!
A cat thinks:
These people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take me to the doctor when I get sick. They take good care of me.
I MUST BE A GOD!
What has four legs and one arm? A happy pit bull.