Joe, a lawyer, died suddenly at the age of 45.
He got to the gates of Heaven and the angel standing there said, 'We've been waiting a long time for you."
'What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
'45? You're not 45, you're 102," replied the angel.
'Wait a minute. If you think I'm 102 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and he disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 102. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, so you have to be 102."
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still in the aisle passing out business cards."
How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
That depends on how hard you throw them.