1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger".
2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot round the world.
3. Two boil weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank-proving, once and for all, that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
5. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
8. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
9. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Arnal. Her husband responds, Tut they are twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Arnal."
10. I told my kids the story of Shish K. Bob, the greatest swordsman in Hungary. It's an obskewer legend.
The State of Florida had a problem. The drug busts over the years had filled their storage areas with Marijuana. It was decided the only option was to burn all of the Marijuana on hand.
The eventful day a huge mound of Marijuana was torched. The fire raged and the smoke of the weed raised in a large cloud. At this time a flock of Tern's flew through this cloud.
A group of forest rangers (aka their environmental watch dogs) were sent out to assure the well being of the Terns . They followed this flock until they finally landed. The rangers sneaking upon the terns were able to observe and issue a report that read: ... Not a Tern was left unstoned...